Back into the swing of things

We got back home late Friday night and have been adjusting and trying to get back into the swing of things. I have yet to grocery shop or cook a meal as some of my friends stocked my fridge and brought over a variety of meals. It's been nice, I didn't realize what a difference "meal support" makes. I declined when we had Nick because we had a steady stream of family here to help for the first couple months.

I have about enough energy to do the things I need to get done. The reality of my moms death hits in waves.. one minute I'm fine then the next I feel like my heart is in a giant vice grip. I'm still very thankful she didn't suffer but I sure miss her. I didn't realize how often in the course of the day I think of her... I just took for granted she'd always be there.

We were in the car yesterday and Laynie said "I love you, mommy". Nick followed her with "I love you, Laynie". It was sweet and the first time he's ever said it. He told me today "I love you mommy" and gave me a big kiss. I told him to say "I love you, grandma" and he did. Then I cried. He's a really sweet boy.

I'm trying really hard not to cry in front of the kids... Laynie caught me and told me "just don't think of her and you won't cry anymore". I didn't really know what to say to her as she's at the age where she's going to remember things. I don't want her to remember my mom as the woman that made her mom cry. I asked her what she liked best about Grandma Marilyn this weekend and she said "making eggs with her". That's a nice memory.

I find myself thinking weird things too.... Now that both my parents are gone do I lose my status of daughter?

We got a new camera so I'll post some pictures I took as soon as I download them.

TTFN